Click-on-the-President's-Nose is Presently Featuring

 

The New “White House” Press Conference Rules

 

A Genuine Parody by The Parodist
Featuring President Bush-Rove
With Airy Flysure and a Short Commentary by Granny Ina

 

 

Editor's Note: Some names have recently been changed to protect the innocent
until John Ashcroft's deputies can exonerate all Republicans and neo-conn sympathizers and get
down to the business of prosecuting all Democrats to the fullest extent of the law. Thank you
for your understanding.

 

 

The White House announced changes in the press conference rules today. Speaking through its recently resigned spokesman, Airy Flysure who was standing in for his replacement for the day, (Arnie Schwarzenegger on loan from California), because of the continuing story of how high administration officials were accused of leaking in public and apparently something about a string of batteries that miraculousy lost their charges when connected to women. The collective president announced drastic changes in the way press conferences will be conducted. Indeed a quickly called press conference began with the presidents’ new rules:

 

Transcript:

 

President Bush-Rove:  “Hello everyone. I’ll get right to the point. You’ve noticed no doubt that we have a new seating order and for security reasons we are having you come into the press conference in twos only. We’re trying to weed out security risks. Ya know. And now to our main point today.

 

Look, it’s a fact. I have all the answers and you reporters have all the questions. It’s really a waste of all our times—which negatively impacts the nation—since the government’s work grinds to a halt every time I pause. I can’t wait around until the press corps starts asking the right questions that result in informing the citizens about what I want to tell them. [Places hand over mouth and winks] So from now on, I give the answer first. I call on a reporter and the reporter asks the question that matches my answer. Got it? You’ve got to come up with the right questions! Okay let’s go:

 

President’s Answer:  “There is absolutely no doubt in anyone’s mind that WMD existed in Iraq before we conducted operation ‘Liberty’ and war for peace operations in Iraq.  Ah, Krockov from Fox network.”

 

Krockov: “Thank you sir, for calling on a Fox” [Interrupted]

 

Unidentified reporter in the back row:  “Sir, do you mean the Iraq ‘Workers Must Deliver’ movement? Or the ‘Women Mother Drivers,’ or the ‘Waterways Master Development?”

 

President: “When I say W M D, I mean ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction!’ Is that clear?

 

President calls on John Tipsy of NBC:

 

Tipsy: “Sir, is the question, ‘Is that clear?’ an answer that we should ask the question to—or is it a question to our answers?”

 

President: “The answer, Tipsy, is exactly what I said. Let’s see. Kissy from the Washington Times.”

 

Kissy: “Sir, Did you say that WMD were found before we got to Iraq?”

 

President: “Good question Kissy. My answer is, “I have never been known to lie.”

 

[Calls on Ralph Typo from the Washington Post].

 

Typo: “Sir, the question is what did the president know and when did he know it!”

 

President: “Good thinking Typo, the answer is oil.”

 

Unknown reporter from back row: “The question is: Why did we invade Iraq?”

 

Female voice near Helen Thomas shouts: “The question is what did we liberate in Iraq?”

 

President: “Geez, and to think Karl Rove told me I am in complete control!” President points and appears perturbed. “The reporter sitting just to the right of Helen Thomas.”

 

Reporter:  “The question is: How you know you’ll be re-elected in 2004?”

 

President: “You reporters, you’re just not getting it…” [interrupted]

 

Reporter: “The question is: Is that what happened to the average Joe’s tax cut?”

 

President, shaking his finger: “I’m warning you, five members of the Supreme Court…”

 

President calls on Krockof from Fox again.

 

Krockov: “Sir, the question is who are your best friends?”

 

President, “I’m sorry. Excuse me a moment.” [President whispers to John Ashcroft who orders FBI agents to escort the little Lebanese lady out.]

 

The President:  “She’s a security risk.”

 

Helen Thomas: “I’m not a security risk! The question is:  whether the Bush-Rove presidency has gone stark raving mad?”

 

President: “You’re from the middle east aren’t you?” [President shrugs his shoulders.]

 

President: “On that note this press conference is over.”

 

Voice from departing reporters:  “The question to the President’s answer is: How can the president keep the American people from learning the truth about anything?”

 

 

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Original Commentary from Grandma Ina

By Granny Ina

Oh good grief. Where’s my thimble? It’s thimble thumping time in America if there ever was a time for it.

 

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