News Intelligence Analysis
A Rather Large and Significant “Modest Proposal”
For Preventing Democrats from Interfering in the
Affairs of State and all Governing Matters In Which
They Have No Training Or Understanding
and How to Prevent Them from Being a
Burden on the Country Along With a Plan
For Making Them Beneficial to the Public
By Edith Ann Getwell
October 1, 2011
(Dedicated to the memory of Jonathan Swift, 1667-1745)
Notwithstanding my natural tendency to remain humbly quiet, I have of late come upon several instances of astonishingly shocking behavior amongst our most splendid elders of public deportment, regarding their almost blameworthy attitudes toward the greater part of our population, namely the poor wretched and entirely miserable democrats who abide painfully amongst us. Frankly, I think it unchristian to cause these beggars to walk about naked so that their ribs and thinness are accentuated and made not only apparent but also overly obvious. Their emaciation is so severe that casual passer-byes cannot often distinguish even between the sexes. And their bodies, covered as they are, in pimples and rashes and dirt, reflect upon our nation’s reputation in the worldwide governance halls.
Candidly, I think the application of a small amount of subterfuge in the form of loin-cloths or perhaps other loosely fitting garments—such as may be assembled from old pillow cases or perhaps even from old potato-sacks might very well assuage the criticisms our nation has repeatedly received from various countries who regard our policies toward outlawed political parties offensive to so-called “human rights” as opposed, for example, to “animal” or “synthetic entities” rights. (By the way, I must point out that there are no listings in either our Constitution or our beloved Declaration of Independence enumerating such a plainly mistaken concept as “human rights.”) I say that in full awareness of the U.S. Code Section that explicitly requires the total nakedness of all registered democrats in the United States, based upon the principle that all opposition political parties must be seen for “what they actually are.” Thus no subterfuge is legally acceptable and clothing was determined to be just another aspect of subterfuge in the Supreme Court decision in the U.S. vs. the Democratic Party, (Case No. 17851959), which was decided as long ago as 2051.
Notwithstanding, however, my small objection to the treatment of the democrats in our midst is not based upon the universally condemned sympathy engendered in the now pejorative and mostly despised phrase that was popularized in the distant past by attributing all charity to “the bleeding heart Liberal.” By no means do I stoop so low. My intent is to merely protect the reputation of our true and “Godly Society,” and to hide the more shocking physical deformities of the democrats as a whole from public view.
For, since I have been granted the right to speak freely upon this topic, need I say more than this simple explanation: That too frequently does the World Wide Christian Council (i.e. the WWCC), resort to unchristian doctrine in order to create and frequently flaunt non-Christian, yet popular ideas stemming from worldly, rather than spiritual sources. For just one example, consider how the Committee on Ethics compromised the biblical position by resurrecting the standard of “Human Rights,” just as the afore mentioned “bleeding heart Liberals” used to do! I maintain that the resulting ideology is based entirely upon pagan—not Christian premises.
For the World Wide Christian Council utterly failed in their duty to report all the Christian-faith facts relating to what is presumed to be an apparent position taken by one nation or another, and what is worse, in particular, are somehow enabled to twist the canon’s position toward the humans least deserving among us. For it is often forgotten by those insensible to the Holy Scriptures that nakedness in societies was not only commonly accepted but was allowed by the authorities and went without any recrimination upon the governments that fostered it. Only individuals were censored for failing to cloth the naked—not nations! (See for example Matthew 25: 31-46). Therefore, because the Holy Scriptures remain silent against such laws, the Scriptures necessarily excuse all governmental actions to the contrary, and hold only individuals responsible for doing evil. It has therefore been accepted for scores and scores of years as first expressed by the great Justice Antonin Scalia, in the twentieth century, that a government is in fact the instrument of God to punish evil and to execute God’s will on earth. (See that stalwart passage attributed to St. Paul in Romans 13:1-7 where the government is charged with the duty of punishing all evil individuals—and significantly not corporate entities, which, of course can do no harm by virtue of their inherent nature.)
However, there are also several other uncomfortable rules that I should identify and isolate, because everywhere one looks in our magnificent country, there is a democrat crying or even wailing in pain and sorrow, begging to be heard in the midst of a nation that prides itself in granting freedom of speech! (But alas! I intend no criticism on the matter, but merely wish to point out that speech in our society must rightly be paid for in advance, as the broadcasters like to say, “No money—no free speech!”)
Yet, I have often mused over the problem and periodically ask myself if it would be a wiser policy to allow these poor naked fellows to whisper a word or two? It’s a matter of generosity and kindness, I think. For surely allowing two or even three words over the airwaves from a naked democrat wouldn’t hurt our great nation’s forward drive toward universal prosperity. (I realize of course that free speech should be reserved for our ruling party, i.e. “our beloved Republican Party,” but unfortunately some ideas from our past one way or another, creep silently forward, particularly questions such as the Scripture that says “In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these—ye have done it unto me,” which of course, require modern expert interpretation.)
Therefore, one must ask, “Would it be immoral to proffer a small speech opportunity such as I am suggesting here?” Of course I am painfully aware that even a dog can bite the hand that seeks to feed it or pet it. And though our esteemed leaders have certainly proven over and over again that the treatment of the rebellious must not be slackened, I would like to underscore that old saying that one can collect more flies with honey than with vinegar! (It is of course meant just as a reminder and I do not intend that statement to be a forbidden psychological assessment of any kind nor is it a suggestion that collecting flies is in anyway a productive industry.) And please, forgive this minor digression: I frequently forget my topic now that I am passed fifty-five years of age—and the age of inadmissible cognition.
And of course, it would be a terrible misfortune to avoid pointing out that the children born to these unfortunate democrats are not only undernourished but are running about as do their parents, naked and with an obvious sense of lifelessness, having failed in their efforts to experience the engendering of the new birth along with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which of course actually causes the reborn experience in all those who are true believers. Notwithstanding, I have heard rather poignant arguments asserting that lifelessness may also in fact be a trait that follows from withholding food, clothing and perhaps even occupational opportunities, all of which are dispensed with such high regard by our duly elected GOP leaders to all those deemed to be the elect of God and are correspondingly denied to those who not only deny the Lordship of Jesus Christ but to those who have not obtained the properly acknowledged Certificates of Christian Beliefs issued by our Sacred Sanitation Department commonly referred to simply as the SS. (“Lifelessness” is also often tied significantly to the concept of absence of the “New Birth Experience,” which is the normal state of unregenerate sinners—and which not only explains, but is the underlying justification for why democrats are frequently called “lifeless.”)
I should probably add parenthetically here, essentially for my international readers, who are unaccustomed to U.S. legal definitions, “Spiritual” or “Sacred Sanitation” was first introduced more than a century ago to reflect “the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit” in America and was adopted by Congress as the name for what was then the newly established department.
By the way, for those other nations and peoples who remain ignorant of our history and policies, a century ago the initials GOP used to stand for the phrase “Grand Old Party.” However the initials have been officially changed to reference “God’s Own Party” to commemorate the transfer of all political power to the sovereign and universal Lordship of Jesus Christ, through His humble vessels, those duly elected and those duly appointed officials of our latter day churches, who await God’s return to earth, and in which hope we all earnestly await moment by moment and of course, on a daily basis.
Now, lest my intention be misconstrued here, allow me to point out that in no way do I intend a slur or disrespect for the Holy Word of God or for that matter, for our forwardly developed Christian Doctrine (generally labeled “Dominionism” for over six centuries, or certainly since the twenty-first century.)
Nonetheless, I propose a significant change to our political analysis, in as much as I believe that I have found a modest solution to our overwhelming problem, namely the growing number of democrats in our midst. Indeed, the last census lists four hundred million of them in our country, which necessarily creates enormous problems for our moral minority in terms of finding satisfactory answers to our limited available housing as well as the food and health problems caused by this single group of miscreant people.
Nevertheless, there is hope. For I have made significant and extraordinary calculations, with of course the aid of thirty-seven Born Again population statistics specialists, who have in fact, devoted their time and talents to this project over the last fourteen months. Not only have we developed a new and vital program based upon human emancipation, combined with a brilliant business plan, illuminating not only a true and exquisitely designed profit basis, but our scheme is one that intrinsically holds the key to a richer and more durable American society.
To be as direct as possible, allow me to point out that because democrats seem to breed not only so many more children than Republicans, and, indeed at more than double the speed of our most productive GOP parents, we have been forced to conduct an intensive inquiry into life style habits and, (if you will forgive me) the use of frequent references to “sexual habits.” Thus I will be discussing the origination of the almost miraculous rate at which democrats give birth, which is 7.583 times faster than the couples in our ruling party. I have therefore devised an ingenious plan that not only heals our decline in child bearing, but will take care of the various diseases we have of late endured.
Indeed our calculations reveal that our nation’s spiritually accepted families have been susceptible to an increased level of birth defects (sometimes erroneously attributed to a high degree of incest among couples, allegedly due to the rules prohibiting sexual exposure between Republican Christians and ungodly democrats.) But we need not go into that topic. It is sufficient to say this: My company will be named “The Modern Parts Factory,” or “MPF” for short!
My plan is simply based upon the old supply and demand rule—basically, for example, if a Christian Republican child is born without a needed part, the ungodly democrats will be paid a small, reasonable sum—say three and half dollars for the smallest organs, on up to a maximum of $100.00 for larger sized organs, such as brains, hearts, or legs. Smaller units will, as I said, of course be paid a correspondingly smaller price. Thus I need not point out the obvious difference between my plan and that of Jonathan Swift’s—which was demonically devised to not only encourage cannibalism but would have legalized an entire cannibalistic society!
Thus we will learn how to properly farm the democrat’s foals and turn them into useful organs for our beloved and needy Republicans. Considering that adequate transplants are now so rarely found that parts presently cost upwards of $500,000 per unit.
Nonetheless, these parts can be adequately farmed and shipped to market for the benefit of our party “brand,” notwithstanding the high cost of transportation and the medical transplant industry.
In fact, because of the development of advanced scientific methods, “out of body” parts can now be kept viable for an average length of forty-five days prior to transplanting them into our Republican recipients. We therefore have developed a much greater transplant-window-of-opportunity than existed even ten years ago!
Although our company will be, in effect, “manufacturing” or perhaps a better word would be “harvesting” vital human parts, we will not as yet explicitly promise “eternal life” for our customers—nonetheless, we will merely imply it in our advertising. Significantly, however, it now appears that the industry is of course headed toward everlasting life as a goal for all reborn Republicans who maintain the proper certificates of their salvation and proof of their spiritual (and I should add—if applicable) their political rebirth in our national archives.
Needless to say, no democrat has ever risen to the level of moral as well as Christian standing as is commonly occupied by members of our ruling party! And therefore, for that reason alone, democrats cannot receive a similar gift of eternal life! Moreover, because the GOP necessarily requires the body-parts of the democrats for our eternal-life-project, I am suggesting that we change our policies toward them in a small way. For example, I am advocating that we establish bathhouses for them in order to keep their external valuable body parts clean and in good repair—sufficient for transplanting into our Republican bodies. Similarly, I would like our authorities to consider improving their diets. We have calculated these changes will not cost the GOP government more than twenty million dollars annually. (And after-all, it is not as though we would be eating their bodies.)
In this way, we will be creating what must be understood for what it is: the glorious mechanism that God necessarily fore-ordained that will insure the GOP’s saintly members’ actual and unadulterated eternal life.
As for those democrats born into sin and degradation—they will have served, at the very least, God’s eternal purposes, and therefore God also may very well resurrect, at least the small portion of them who are less odious than their fellows, to eternal life in His Divine time-table! May His Will and our Christian Elders’ Wills be done now and forever. Amen.
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