News Intelligence Analysis
A Magnificent Whopper!
A Humble American Citizen Writes to
the President
On How to Fix America's Economy
By William C. Carlotti
May 9, 2009
Updated May 10, 2009
[Yurica Report Editor's Note: There's a fly in this ointment. Can you spot it? But oh, wouldn't it be loverly?]
Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America’s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 40 million people over fifty years of age in the work force. Pay them $2 million a piece severance for early retirement.* (After all, $80 million dollars is less than ten percent of the $85 billion that the government gave to AIG and that’s not even mentioning the $45 billion to Citigroup!)
Notwithstanding, in my plan, all payments to the over-fifty folks come with the following stipulations:
1) The recipients MUST retire. This will result in forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) The recipients MUST buy a new American car. This will result in forty million cars ordered - Auto industry fixed.
3) The recipients MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing crisis fixed.
It can’t get any easier than that!
*[Editor’s Note: Which amounts to 80 trillion dollars! Not 80 million!]
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